Read This If You’re The One He Doesn’t Want To Be With
Originally posted on Thought Catalog, written by Alyssa Ho and image via collagevintage.com
I hope you know that him not wanting to be with you is not because you’re unlovable, undeserving, undesirable or undateable.
Please do not let one man, or many of them, ever leave you feeling that their inability to love you in the way you want, need and deserve means that you will never find the romance you’re after.
Sometimes, and of course, he will never admit this but, you scare him in the most beautiful way. He’s scared because he knows that you’re the real deal, and maybe, right now, that’s not what he wants.
You don’t want to be with a man who has to lose you in order to finally wake up to himself and realize you are in fact what he wants, or, on top of that, a man who wouldn’t even care if he never hears from you again.
The cruelest thing he can do is be afraid of you and your love, but leave you in the dark and questioning everything you are and everything you’re worth because of his uncertainty.
We grow attached quickly, we get our hopes up when deep down we know we shouldn’t, we hope that they’ll want us in the same way we want them and we make them our everything.
When things don’t work out, we end up wondering why we’re not enough and why it is that the ones we always seem to want never want us back. We take it to mean that no man could ever love us for us.
If only we could realize that the person we’re chasing after isn’t the one for us. I’d like to think the one who is, is the one who will consciously choose us every day and there will be none of this wondering and wait nonsense with them.
The one for us will fill us up with so much love that we’ll never ever feel that we’d need to change for him or that we could never be the only woman he acknowledges and adores.
Please take a moment to accept that no matter how much you care for him, how much you want him in your life and how much you want him to want you, it doesn’t mean that he’s the one for you.
He may be the one you desire, but is he the one you deserve? You deserve someone who will realize how pure your heart is and how much you’re willing to do for them and would never dream of risking or losing that.
You may think he’s the guy of your dreams and he ticks all the boxes, he’s the one you’d be proud to show off to the world, he’s the one you will never be able to find again, but is he really all of those things and as dreamy as you make him out to be when he treats you the way he does?
You don’t deserve the guy who is inconsistent and indecisive. The guy who is sending you mixed signals. The guy who is endlessly coming up with excuses. The guy who makes promises he can’t keep. The guy who keeps letting you down.
Remind yourself that him not wanting to be with you means that the love of your life is still out there and if it means you had to meet him and have your heart broken and your spirits crushed to realise that, then at least you can walk away with a clearer idea of what you do what in a relationship.
Letting go of him and the hopes you built up in your mind will be hard, but you need to pinpoint when someone is taking you for a fool and for granted and to know that you’re destined for more than that. The love you want is out there, don’t let him make you believe it isn’t.
Believe in true love even though you feel so far away from it or it seems impossible that it exists. Don’t let these men play with your heart and your feelings to the point where heartbreak and hurt are all you begin to expect from people.
Maybe he’s looking for something or someone else, and that’s perfectly fine because who says he’s the only person in this world for you but you? Who says that he should be all you know when there’s a bigger world out there beyond him that you refuse to see and explore?
You know what you have to offer, you know that when you love, you love fully and unapologetically, you know that one day you can make a man really happy and that you have a heart that’ll never turn cold no matter how broken it is, so don’t let these men dishearten and discourage you.
Don’t let them change or crush you just because they weren’t looking for something deep, real and meaningful as you are. The attraction and connection you had with him is something I promise you, you can and will find in someone else.
Keep in mind that some people have no shame or regret in breaking other people’s hearts for their own selfish reasons, and not because they’re the perfect catch or confident but because they need an ego boost and someone to make them feel less lonely until someone else comes along.
Some people lose out on beautiful things, experiences and people all because they don’t seek, or are incapable, of building a true connection with it and instead, see it as something temporarily fulfilling rather than everlastingly enriching or enough for them.
He isn’t one of a kind, he’s just the kind of guy you thought you had to be with and your heart truly desired at one point in time.
You’re not just letting go of him, you’re letting go of everything you imagined he was and everything you saw in him that you felt you needed, but you’re well and truly better off without.
Let’s hope he one day finds what he’s looking for when he’s finally ready because we both know you’ll find it one day eventually and when you think of him, it won’t hurt as much as it does now.
Believe that your ability to love and feel deeply will one day be appreciated rather than taken advantage of.